THE "BARE" NECESSITIES OF "WILD" SWIMMING
"Don't go near the water
To do it any wrong
To be cool with the water
Is the message of this song
Lets all help the water
Right away
Do what we can and ought to
Lets start today"
(Kirsty MacColl "Don't go near the water")
I DON'T THINK WE'LL TAKE "NOTICE" OF THAT SIGN
(or any of the others shown further down this website)
WHAT THIS PAGE ABOUT DIGGER?
Well, this page gives you some of the bare necessities of "wild" swimming. I've provided some top tips to help you on your way. These tips do not include "can you swim?", "should I dive into water I don't know the depth of?" and "is it ok to swim after drinking alcohol?". If you need the answers to any of these questions you are a cretin whose imminent death will hinder this wonderful recreational activity.
"We'd go down to the river
And into the river we'd dive
Oh down to the river we'd ride"
(Bruce Springsteen, "The River")
YOU MAY ALSO WANT TO CHECK OUT:
DIGGERS "TOP TIPS"
1. FIND WATER
You may have to break ice (or not)...........
Preferably a lake or river...........
But almost anywhere will do...........
2. WATCH OUT FOR LIVE CABLES especially if swimming in manholes see above)
Naturally you should follow Health and Safety Regulations and contact the utilities to check they do not have appliances in the area of your swim (be warned this can take 7-14 working days and there may be a charge).
3. IS IT DEEP ENOUGH?
Even a bit of a lardy like me can float in about 4 inches of water (although you do have to empty out your belly button post swim).
You can usually rely on the locals. They told us that there were great pools about Torrin on the Isle of Skye but this was the best we could find.
The locals in Hertfordshire weren't much better at knowing good swimming spots!
4. IS IT CLEAN?
5. PICK YOUR OUTFIT
Its always best to pick an outfit that will enable you to "fit in" with other water creatures.
When swimming in rivers in towns, like here in Bedford, its alway best to dress accordingly. So here I am in a t-shirt and tinsel.......
When swimming in the dark, don't forget your head torch.......
6a. CHECK THE WATER IS FREE OF OTHER USERS
The day of the Bedford Raft race is NOT the best time for river swimming.
6b. CHECK THE WATER IS FREE OF OTHER ANIMALS
Some rivers have large animals which might look pretty but are best avoided.
7a. IGNORE ALL THOSE "NO SWIMMING" SIGNS
There seems to be some kind of "oppressive anal capitalist anti Wild Swimming plot" to prevent people swimming outdoors (except at the seaside where there are lots of shops and hotels in which people can make money). Its time to STAND UP IN THE POND for the right to swim.
BASTARDS.
When faced with this sign I always do breastroke not Front Crawl (which appears to be banned).
BASTARDS.
SHAME on you Yorkshire Water. However, you appear to be able to can get round this one by swimming rather than "bathing".
BASTARDS.
SHAME on you Godalming Angling Club. However, you appear to be able to can get round this one by bathing rather than "swimming".
BASTARDS.
SHAME on you Buckinghamshire County Council who "closed" a swimming area at Black Park Lake (outside Slough).
BASTARDS.
SHAME on you Bulgaria.
So much for the Iron Curtain coming down..... This sign (again seemingly trying to ban front crawl in the Danube (Bulgaria) AND is accompanied by loud speakers (don't let Yorkshire Water know !!!)
7b. NOT QUITE BASTARDS SIGNS
I couldn't decide what I thought to Olney Town Councils rather polite notice that "Swimming is not recommended" and "You do so at your own risk". It wasn't quite the silly outright ban that others go for, but on the other hand it is positioned next to a well known (and concrete sided) river swimming pool probably dating back decades.
NOT QUITE BASTARDS.
7c. NOW FOR SOME SENSIBLE SIGNS
PARTIAL HURRAH.
This sign in the Brecon Beacons warns that "Rivers can be cold, deep and fast flowing". Quite right to warn us and quite right not to ban swimming.
ANOTHER PARTIAL HURRAH.
This sign in Mexico warns that "Its dangerous not to swim ". Quite right too.
GENUINE HURRAH.
Total respect to Waverley District Council (Frensham Paradise Pond), I promise to ensure my Mums council tax is never late. BUT what wrong with swimming in the Little Pond.
8. ENSURE YOU HAVE A GOOD SUPPORT TEAM "ON SHORE"
Yes, please keep me dry!
But the support team often gets quite wet, especially in Scotland!
Yes, please look after my flip flops, passport and all my money (honesty still lives on in The Gambia)
9. FIND SOME FRIENDS TO JOIN YOU!
This page has (not) been sponsored by Yorkshire Water and Bucks County Council. The former have been winners of the of the most anal "No Swimming" signs award for many years (see above). However, in 2003 Bucks County Council closed the swimming area in Black Park Country Park thus ensuring that they win the "scum of the water" award until it is reopened..
CLICK HERE to go back to Diggers Homepage